"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you" -Maya Angelou
It has been a long, long time since I stepped foot inside a classroom, let alone, write anything for a English class. Writing has never been "my thing" since it includes, thinking on a emotional level. I was raised on the value of being a "manly man", so expressing emotion or writing about my experiences in life or my feelings hasn't come easy to me. Being in this class has brought out a lot in me, and I think I have grown a lot in writing for this class.
The memoir that I wrote is about tough choices I had to make early in life. The choices I made where hard because it was my only way at the time that in could support my family and myself. I thought a lot about the topics I could write about cause I been through a lot of shit in my life , so I decided to write about the three years I spent in prison for selling drugs. I made many wrong choices that led me down the "wrong road", but it definitely shaped the man I am today. Here you can read about my time in jail.
After further thinking about what I was gonna write next I decided to stay on the same topic but elaborate a lot more into a emotional journey that I went through while in jail. Check this link out to learn more about the many demons I fought and overcame during my stay in prison.
My professor encouraged me to write more about my experiences in prison. It was a lot for me to look back on that time in my life. I didn't want to revisit those times and emotions. After all, the past is the past for a reason. I'm not a emotional man and I had to put a lot of thought into my writing and bring myself back to those many lonely days and nights. My life during this time was very hard. My father left us after a house fire, and we where forced to go live with my grandparents. I was left to step up and be the man he was supposed to be. I had to take care of everyone, my mother, and my three sisters. My life was spinning out of control. Everyone took my "fast money" for granted and I was soon paying for everyone's bills including my own. I was everyone's "father figure". I was the one who held this family down till the end. Although I risked my own ass, I did it out of love for my family. Selling drugs became a way of life, and to get things paid, and paid fast.
The hardest part for me is basically the writing process as a whole. I tend to bury my thoughts and my feelings, so sitting down, and actually finding the words to put on paper is hard for me. I have definitely grown a lot in this class, and its becoming easier for me to sit down and write. Here you can click and read more about my life for three years behind bars.